The moment it hit me...

** Written Tuesday, October 2, 2012**

I made pork chops for supper tonight;
just like my MaMaw used to make,
fried in a little bit of oil with just enough flour to give them a light crunch.

As we sat down to eat I told Brandon that these were MaMaw's pork chops.
I explained that if she had made them we'd have mashed potatoes with lots of butter and gravy to go with them.
We would have had okra gumbo, too,
because that was my favorite.

I told Brandon how much I wished he could have tasted MaMaw's cooking.
He would have loved it.

I took my first bite, and it had just the right amount of crunch.
As I ate the memories started flooding my mind
and took me right back to MaMaw and PaPaw's kitchen.

I started thinking about all the times we sat around their table eating MaMaw's pork chops.
They were Michelle and Cody's favorite.
I wished that Michelle and Cody could have eaten them with me tonight.

Then I thought about Michelle's birthday being on Saturday,
and that if MaMaw were here she would have invited Michelle down from Austin
and made her pork chops on her birthday.

I continued to think about MaMaw while we ate,
and I found myself wanting so badly to feel her presence.

After we finished Brandon helped me clear off the table,
and I started washing dishes.
I thought about all the times I had helped MaMaw wash dishes.
She would wash, and I would dry.
We were a team.

As I stood at the sink tonight I couldn't help but wonder why I was thinking so much about MaMaw.
I mean, I have missed her every day since she died,
but I hadn't felt like this in a while.

And then it hit me.

It's October.

The month that MaMaw died.

I immediately started crying.

After walking into the living room and being comforted by Brandon and Princess
I realized that October 11th will be ten years since MaMaw's death.
It feels like it was just yesterday.

And although missing her hurts less over time,
Octobers are always pretty tough.