This is going to be long, but before I can fully move on from this stage of my life I need to write it all out. It's the best form of therapy for me, so if you're reading thanks for being my therapist!
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It's time we had a heart-to-heart about what's really been going on. If you've been reading for a while then you probably noticed a few months ago when my posts became less frequent and more vague. I've had a lot going on in the last few months, and for personal and professional reasons I did not want to share too much.
Let me start from the beginning...
Back in November I finally had the opportunity to start working as a child life specialist again. {Child life positions are few and far between, and I had been watching the hospital's job board ever since we moved.} The position I accepted was in the ER, working Sunday through Thursday, three to eleven-thirty in the evening. The schedule wasn't ideal, but at the time Brandon was still in his training program, and his hours were crazy, too.
In the beginning things seemed to be going okay. I was facing challenges, for sure, but I did my best to remain positive. I set goals, and I put my best foot forward.
Then in January our prayers for guidance were answered, and Brandon was offered a new position. With this new position {that we were very excited about!} came new hours. After a year and a half of waiting Brandon was finally working a mostly eight to five schedule. The only problem? My schedule was completely opposite.
We did our best to make it work. We tried making the most of our days off, and Brandon did his best {poor thing!} to wait up for me each night. We tried. We tried everything we could think of, but it just wasn't working.
Brandon worked every other weekend, I worked on Sundays, and our schedules were opposite every other day of the week. All of that combined meant we got to spend a total of four days together each month with mostly phone conversations in between. It was tough. And it started to take a toll on too many aspects of my life.
After countless prayers, too many tears, and lots of valuable advice from my closest family and friends, I turned in my resignation.
I think some people wondered why it took me so long to actually make this decision, and looking back I can see why. But first of all, I'm stubborn. I'm also determined, and for a while I was determined to make this work.
Second of all, I think the hardest thing to do in life is give up something that you love. I love child life, and I worked my *** off to become a child life specialist in the first place. It took a lot of courage to step away and accept that this job wasn't the right fit for me, but it just wasn't.
Lastly, I didn't want to feel like I had given up. I wanted to know that I had done everything I could and given this job my absolute best.
After turning in my resignation I immediately felt like a weight had been lifted.
I was lucky enough to have a supportive boss who completely understood where I was coming from. I had been honest with her from the beginning, so she knew this was a possibility. I told her that I was still very interested in child life, and we agreed that if a day position opens I'll reapply.
I left last Wednesday knowing that I gave this hospital and this department everything I had for as long as I could. I did my best, and even though I was only there for a short time I felt proud of my contributions.
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Everyone keeps asking me "What's next?" {I feel like I could be in Julian's film on One Tree Hill.} And honestly? I don't know how to answer that. Of course I have a picture painted in my head of how I want the next year to play out, but I'm continually learning that those self-painted-pictures rarely become a reality.
So we will see. Right now my priority is catching up on quality time with Brandon. We've spent the last two years stressing about either his job or mine, so now it's time to focus on us. And the rest? I'm hoping it will all fall into place.
