Dear Grandpa,

Dear Grandpa,

It's been almost three months since you died. Man, time goes by fast! It's still hard for me to believe that you're gone. There have been a few times that I've wanted to ask Dad, "How's Grandpa?", and I usually catch myself right before I say it.

We all miss you a lot. I know Dad misses going to visit you in Katy. He used to plan his visits just right, so that you two could get the most out of your day. Michelle misses all the silly talks that you guys had about politics, the Longhorns, and skinny dipping. I'm not sure that either one of you ever knew what you were talking about, but ya'll sure did laugh a lot! I know Mom would love it if she could make you homemade ice cream again. You'd probably love that, too! And there's a lot that I miss...

I miss our ice cream dates at Dairy Treat after you'd pick me up from school.
I miss watching you play board games with Michelle and how you'd always let her win.
I miss listening to you tell stories about how life was "back when we were kids".
I miss your voice, your laugh, your coveralls and baseball caps.
I miss your sweet hugs and how you'd say "Now, you be a sweet girl" every time we said goodbye.

You don't have to worry, Grandpa. We'll always be your sweet girls.

Everyone down here is doing great! Mom and Dad are both very busy at work. They went to Austin last weekend to help Michelle get settled in her new house. You'd be so proud of Michelle! Today is the first day of her junior year at The University of Texas. She loves the Longhorns just like you! Brandon is working very hard at his job, and I am going to substitute again this year.

I miss you so much, Grandpa, but I know that you are dancing around heaven with Grandma.

Love,
Your sweet girl

P.S. - I planted my first garden, and after taking care of it for about a week I realized I may be more like you than I thought.  

Brandon's PawPaw

Last Sunday Brandon and I went to Georgetown to visit his PawPaw.

PawPaw had been sick for several months, and had gotten worse over the past few weeks. We spent the day visiting with family, watching the Olympics together, and enjoying PawPaw's chocolate chip birthday cookie.

Although PawPaw was not able to interact with us on that day, I just knew he could feel us.
I knew he could feel our laughter as we sat in his room, watching Ryan's theatre performances on video.
I knew he could feel the love in our voices as we held his hands and told him goodbye.

~~~

Four days later we drove to Yoakum for PawPaw's funeral.

~~~

The past week was a very sad one for all of us. But on Friday evening I couldn't help but think about how happy PawPaw must have been. I knew he was sitting in heaven with MeMaw, watching over us as we laughed and planned our family fantasy football league. I knew that we were doing exactly what he would have wanted us to be doing, making memories.

~~~

We will miss you, PawPaw!

Nothing I say will be good enough...

On Saturday night my grandpa died.
We were at a wedding, a close friend's wedding.
It was my mom and dad's anniversary.
We were laughing, talking, and taking pictures with long-time friends.
Yes, one minute we were laughing, talking and posing for pictures,
and the next minute we were crying.
I was sobbing.

I was prepared for this. I had been prepared for months.
I knew Grandpa was sick.
I knew that some days he wasn't even Grandpa.
I knew that the best place for him was in heaven with Grandma.
I knew that my aunts were there.
I knew that hospice had been called.
I knew the morphine had been given.
I knew all of this.

But no matter how much you know,
no matter how much you prepare,
it still hits you like a ton of bricks.

~~~~

And since then, I have been wanting to write.
I have been wanting to sort through my jumbled thoughts and emotions.
I have been wanting to clear my head,
get out of this fog.

I have been wanting to write about Grandpa.
About his life, and the memories we share with him.
I have been looking through photo albums,
searching, grasping, longing to see him again.

I have been wanting to write a blog, share the photos,
relive the memories with you.
I want you to know what a great man he was,
what an incredible Grandpa he was.

But no matter how many stories I tell or how many photos I share,
it will never be good enough.
Nothing I say will be good enough.

~~~~

To all the friends who were with us on Saturday night,
thank you.

To my aunts, uncles, and cousins who were with Grandpa,
I'm so glad he wasn't alone.

To the special person who drove to camp get my sister,
you will never know how much we appreciate you.

And to my Grandpa,
I will always love you.